Sometimes you really just wanna get that out.

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It’s been almost two months since the last post.

I liked March even it felt like two months long.

I’m quite proud of being able to fill in the day’s activities on my black notebook. Even if it’s just laundry or cleaning the fan, I include it in my to-do list to ensure I DON’T forget the small stuff. I even include movies I’ve wanted to download and watch for a long time.

And nope, it’s not OC-ness. I think.

I’m into some sort of career crossroad wherein I’m trying to outweigh financial fulfillment as opposed to just being happy with the job you’re doing.

There’s that term “it’s okay” that doesn’t quite cut it.

I have this nagging need to speed up the process to get where I want to be which is never healthy.

For the meantime, I try to fill my free time with useful (?) activities like catching up on readings (books and current events), watching film classics (would you believe I’ve only seen When Harry Met Sally and Serendipity recently) and knowing more people (I had a fairly awesome surprise date that unfortunately, had no follow through :D)

Anyway, I’m still within my annoying timelines for decision-making so I’m procrastinating as much as I can. I’ve already wasted a lot of paper writing down the pros and cons but I can’t really lean on any options as of yet.

***

Met up with college friends yesterday and what I expected to be a 7 hour (at most) chikahan turned into 12 hours with lots of food and iced tea and surprisingly, just three beers (wew maturity).

Quite recently, there had been another campus fire and it was the worst as the Faculty Center housed important documents that can NEVER be replaced nor recovered. We talked about all those little fires it had endured over the years and how nothing was done about it, like proper maintenance or the regular safety checks it seemed to have avoided for so many years.

We also talked about current events, friendship (and org) history and people’s psyche in general. Maybe, a little bit about dating mishaps as well😀

With that I’m trying to contemplate on how being “too selfless” is actually a bad thing. I just took that damn 16Personalities test and as much as I’m not really relying on such test results to say what or who I am, it kind of helps with my monthly (or daily) self-evaluations.

I don’t really have any answers at this point but again, even if I’m not a religious person, I make sure that I do good by people at the end of the day.

And it’s a work in progress.

So again, what’s this post for.

Nothing really.

It’s just nice looking back and remembering what sort of feelings you had at a certain time in your life.

Au revoir.

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I never liked sashimi. But now I do, because of you.

I appreciate your efforts in feeding me vegetables, concealing it inside your awesome recipes as you know how much I hate them.

Mountain climbing would have never gotten me off my ass if not for you. And I enjoyed it.(Even if that was not apparent during the actual climbing part).

I felt content and happy and it has been three years of that.

Now, it’s been a year since we parted ways.

We have moved forward with our lives and definitely we’re in better places with the new roles and challenges ahead of us.

It had been a good thing and I know that we’re both happy.

I’ll only keep good memories of you:)

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(Artwork by Gabriel Moreno)

I’ve learned how to speak out a little bit.

I still feel like I’m shaking and that I’m making an awkward face but I can get my message across now.

Such a surprise on how much changes in just a few months.

And I’m as happy as a bee.

Like always:)

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Woke up at three am today. I think I’ve missed that sorta schedule. Of course, I went home early as well but I’m not quite sure I like it better because it’s still kinda bright at that time.

My left eye’s been twitching like crazy since last week. I’m not stressed, I’m just tired I suppose. Hopefully, by March things’d be back to some state of normalcy. Not that I’m complaining. Or not a lot.

My dreams have been a bit haywire these days too. I dreamt of floods and the end of the world and it really didn’t bother me that much. As long as I know I’m actually sleeping, that’s fine.

Still not eating properly these days. Chocolates and cookies should count as a complete meal. Plus black coffee. Well, I’m eating properly at most, once a day anyway.

I really didn’t have a topic in mind as I opened this browser.

Might as well sleep early:)

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Three little cats

One was pushy and liked talking about himself
One was touchy and had no sense of time
One was moody and controlling
And all of them were as inconsistent as the waves of the ocean

And they are not for me.

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No promises for the New Year.

In fact, I’m back to square two :D

 I tend to go back on some decisions and I’m not feeling good about it.

It doesn’t feel like a “new year” for me too. It’s a bit more significant for me when April comes as it will be one year then for me and the single life.

I’ll try to re-evaluate my year at that time.

For now, I should stop making the same mistakes:/

I feel like I’m on some sort of edge to the dark side.

Speaking of which, haven’t watched Star Wars VII yet.

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I forgot to say that I’ll be gone once you’ve had what you wanted.

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You know what.

Let’s start from the ground up.

Obviously it’s not the right time as things feel so…forced.

What I’ll do is set a deadline for myself and if there are any strong redeeming factors that come up, then I’ll reconsider.

But if not, I need to go cold-turkey on this.

It seems that I’m not as level-headed as people think I am as I keep on making brash, unwise decisions.

It needs to stop and I have until the eve of Christmas.

Cause New Year is too mainstream:)

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Empty.

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Well, I hate this season. More than I hate wine.

I hate people who are late. And I was late for 9 minutes last Friday. Travel time takes an additional hour from my usual 15-minute bus ride. I could walk BUT IT’S RAINING. I could get an Uber but the surge goes up to 4.5x. I would like to relax but there are never-ending parties (but free food so HEHE).

Can’t help being a Grinch.

Also, I can’t help but scratch my head when I think of how I get myself into these sorts of situations. Not referring to the Christmas situations above.

New Year Please

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Cute.

But again, red flags.

***

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People are leaving.

And I don’t like it.

But of course, better opportunities outweigh…whatever.

Anyway, after a LONG time, I think I’m getting acquainted with Teacher’s Village again. Cannot believe how commercialized everything is now.

***

This is the second time I’ve been eating ice cream (and cookies) in the wee hours of le morning.

Trying to answer questions that might really not matter later on.

One of them (which I asked at the inuman earlier) is on how you can TELL if you really LIKE someone or you just want to be with them because you’re lonely.

Anyway, I can’t really answer that on an upset stomach. I think my one or two (bottles) turned into 6 or 7 again and I’m feeling dehydrated (AND TIRED).

I’ve been going from Makati to QC and back again this weekend and I’m frazzled. As per my tattered calendar, I also have a lot of stuff to do this week and I’m already backlogged with my online work.

I hate December and the hassles it brings.

(And I HATE the colors red and green together! I prefer those silver and white and blue decors :/)

I should sleep.

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Sudden bright lights, weird music, vultures and horrendous haircuts.

PUTA PWEDE BA 😂

#mananghits

Things I Have Learned…

…during my vacation:

  • Travels are always worth it
  • Money spent on family is money well spent
  • Never, ever tequila again
  • Never let anyone make you feel inadequate
  • Making music helps your brain perform better (it produces fireworks in your brain!)
  • Practice makes everything better (driving, public speaking, work etc.). It just takes a while.
  • Reply only when necessary. No need to divulge everything.
  • Choose your lakads
  • It’s okay to go out and meet people. Proper discernment on the personality should be in place though. Know their purpose.
  • Never compromise on red flags
  • Your safety matters more than someone’s ego.
  • Issue/Powers behind the Syrian conflict and international backers
  • KPop/HipHop dance groups/routines (HAHA)
  • When the past comes knocking on your door, you can take a peek but never open it (another HAHA)
  • It’s okay to let go of the life vest.
  • Consult on different things with different people. Counter-check expertise.
  • Stop being too incredulous/self-righteous on people’s opinions. Listen some more.
  • Let them talk.
  • Never compromise who you are to fit into someone’s idea of perfection.
  • The logic of casual relationships and the current status quo on the term “dating”
  • It is not someone’s “job” to fix other people. That person should have the audacity to do it himself/herself.
  • Read more/watch more videos relevant to your career goal

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*On a different note, the gods have saved my guitar from yet AGAIN another trip to the floor. Fuck these Ace Hardware hooks:/

Looking Back-Moving Forward

Headache.

Slept at around 5am today after listening to a combination of mellow-funky-noisy music (AND IT WAS AWESOME).

Not helping that I’m listening to Jeebus’ album now and metal music is not something I listen to everyday😀

You can listen to it here:

JEEBUS

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Awesome job guys. After 10 years of damaging our eardrums.

I stopped after a while and played Adele :p

***

I have time to type now as after FOREVER, we are now included in the group of people that jubilate over long weekends.

Was supposed to go home but…SLEEP.

Also, all nighters need a day for recovery.

***

Another pet-peeve of mine are flakers.

And people who are not on time.

***

I need to make wiser decisions.

***

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So proud and happy for Tyron and Fau!

It’s a privilege to be a witness to their love story and more so to be a part of a new chapter in their lives!

Also, crazy 2 hour trip from Makati to Cavite WITH NO AIRCON. WOOOHHH.

***

Was able to jam last night amidst my self-consciousness *hee*

Also, MC friends are always ♥

It was fun.

Killing Time

I can’t believe I’m down to my last day of vacation. Most probably, I can’t post stuff here again as my mind shall be occupied elsewhere. I remembered actually being panicky two weeks before as I have never been on a plane ride alone and there was this tanim-bala thing which has apparently resurfaced again after APEC. And that thing of being alone in a semi-faraway place (just for a night though).

I’ll just post something about my El Nido trip when I can because it was awesome.

Currently trying to make the most of my few hours left for this day and I’m learning Sara Bareilles’ Let The Rain piece on my guitar but my metro is suckey and I get frustrated really fast😀

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I cut my nails specifically for this purpose but…waley.

After a long time, I’ve also prepared Samgyupsal (Samgyeopsal?) for myself and unsurprisingly it upset my stomach even more. Again I don’t eat greens and my stomach knows it when alien stuff enter my system. But I needed to, cause my lettuce was dying in the fridge:/

Why did I buy it in the first place?

Again pardon my commas and use of articles and SVA’s and tenses. And everything😀

I’m killing time.

wpid-20151114_132637.jpgI really hate tequila.

Anyway, my long vacation is coming to a close and I am definitely an improved(?) version of myself compared to before this started. I mean, we all can be a different person compared to a few hours before right?

Am I making sense?

It must be my upset stomach.

Again, I’ve done a lot of things this year that has surprised me (and others too). I closed a door and a lot of other doors opened. I don’t like using windows as a reference for opportunities😀

I’ve caught up on some delayed readings and the White Collar series (although I’m not done yet with Season 3 but it’s the best one so far!). I’ve also shifted to Adele and Sara Bareilles after more than a month of Franco damaging my eardrums.

I have also gotten myself into some situations I can’t understand but most probably I’ll just look back at it in the future and chuckle to myself. I’ve heard a lot of interesting stories and opinions from people and it makes me want to read up more on them (as I’m not very good in conversing :/). Heard a heavy one last night and I actually wanted to ask more about it but I got flustered so nevermind. It’s nice knowing people who aren’t afraid of voicing out their concerns (albeit it should be an informed one) as I have the tendency to avoid conflicts  by keeping things to myself. I’m still working on that at the moment. I can’t be on mute forever.

I can’t think properly right now. Not doing that thing again anytime soon😀

I think I’m missing work now and I’m quite sure there’ll be a lot for me when I get back:/

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I am an idiot.

Of course, that wasn’t a friendship app. WHAT WAS I EXPECTING😀

It was a good experience but I’m not trying that again.

ANYWAY.

Here’s another illustration from SNNN.

Why can’t the artist just have a normal name that I can search for easily *le sigh*

Mishaps

Bored, sick and sore.

But happy nonetheless. Because life is funny.

Fifth day of my vacation and my colds turned into a sore throat then a horrendous cough and now asthma. Not sure why this happens every year… *sigh*

Anyway, as I was nursing my hika yesterday and folding my laundry on top of our 15-year old double-deck bed, it fell apart. The metal head frame bonked my skull and in the process also pulled the cord of my sister’s night light which was encased in a box full of stones and pebbles. THAT rained down on my face as it was catapulted out of the bedside table. So now I have a bump on my head and my sister has no bed.

It wasn’t supposed to be a pity post because I wanted people to laugh about the situation as well but surprisingly they got concerned *hihi* sweet guys you.

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Anyway, I’m back at le Makati house (as I don’t have a bed to sleep in there anymore haha) and I’m enjoying my days away from THAT GODDAMN SUNLIGHT. Just a few more days and I’ll be off to the beach (and still hide from sunlight somewhat haha)!

Still very concerned over the tanim-bala scheme though so I looked for some zipties and padlocks. Scared of riding the plane alone though as my colleagues have booked a different airline for their trip. Will meet them there then yahoo! Am also thinking though of what I’d do on my last night there as this goddamn APEC event cancelled my flight home and I had it rescheduled the next morning. I might have a dinner date with myself in one of Puerto Princesa’s famous restaurants and sleep in the airport😀

Bahala na.

I’ve already packed my things and they all fit into my heart-y, small backpack.

Hopefully, I’m already feeling well by tomorrow.

Hi.

So.

I might have a lot of things to say but I’m either really lazy or really hyper so let’s see. It’s the start of my 12-workday leave (due to holiday extensions and bank policies) and I DO have some time to spare. Last post was more than a month ago so hello.

Again, this blog was selfishly made for my own egocentric satisfaction. It’s like talking to myself and also having the opportunity for others to delve into my thoughts, even if they really don’t want to…

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Well, it had been an awesome year for me so far. So many changes.

I seem to have forgotten how to wear pants as skirts are a thing in the office and I have really bad tastes so it’s safer for me that way. Most of the clothes I’m wearing are either from my sister or given to me by friends as I suppose they pity me for looking a bit trashy beside my new team mates. I mean, if it’s possible to wear silk pajamas to work I will but again, I have to act like a manager now. The clothes I actually bought for myself have prints that don’t fit me (as per those teammates). Where can that be learned please.

Pretty comfortable wearing heels now even if I’m already towering above most as it is. I feel my bruised feet at the end of the day though and I miss wearing my Chucks. Wearing heels really change how you feel at work though so I might need some more for next year:)

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I think I’ve tried a lot of things I was scared of and things I abhor to a certain degree. I am also trying out new, random stuff to occupy my time at home but my bed is too seductive so I never get anything done.

I tried cooking stuff but then I get discouraged easily when it doesn’t come out how it’s supposed to and also looking at the receipts from the deli, I can only curse out and promise never to do it again. So usually, I go without dinner and I have also rediscovered my college sickness of eating just one meal a day. Hence some unhealthy yet very-welcome weight loss.

Anyway, the photo above is a YouTube screencap of my chosen drum lesson instructor. Haven’t even gone past the drum fills as I’ve left my sticks at le QC house and I don’t want to buy another one. It’s fun but again LAZY CAT.

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I was also able to finally grow my nails and paint them myself so my manly hands have improved! I don’t bite on them anymore. Or maybe not a lot.

I was also able to cut down on my smoking as I don’t like how people smell after smoking which was so evident when you join them in the elevator so I only smoke in the morning before taking a bath and maybe when I get home or maybe not at all because…LAZY.

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Hello irrelevant photo. It’s a goldfish! Get it?

*sigh*

Anyway, I had my first job fair and the continuation of my enjoyment with my new line of work is magnified. There are a lot of work opportunities and I cannot understand why someone can just lull around at home and blame the government for not providing it.

Well, I love hearing about people’s lives. Here I get the privilege to have a peek into a person’s struggles and dreams. What motivates them. How they view the world and how they deal with changes. I get nervous sometimes because some of them can look into your eyes and bare their souls and I feel that I am undeserving of knowing about that part of their lives. It does give me an understanding though of what they really want to achieve.

As I seem to be enjoying the role TOO MUCH, I’ve been staying at the office for longer hours and it doesn’t bother me. I don’t go out a lot anymore though as I just want to sleep immediately afterwards.

NOW THIS was pointed out by a stranger as apparently I wasn’t conscious of it. Which brings me to one of my greatest fears of all time: DATING.

(BUT this is only second to my fear of the waters :D)

I went on one (finally) and it was a pleasant experience I suppose. He was a pretty decent guy and very upfront on expectations and all that. I was pretty lucky I suppose that he didn’t turn out to be a psycho or a kidnapper or else I’d be dead by now or I wont go on a date EVER AGAIN.

Of course there was this attraction and we even met twice although I’m quite sure I wasn’t a very good date as I couldn’t say a lot of things and I’ve done nothing but work-related shiz for the past few months so… There was NOTHING interesting about myself now. I can only blab about things from before and about work so…BORING.

Unbeknownst to the guy I have already done some research about him and he has pretty good credentials (what was funny was that he’s from the same school and is in the same line of business as… never mind). Which doesn’t really matter. I just wanted to make sure he’s not a serial killer. Or a networking agent.

I actually thought of red flags which we use at work and I even literally used some interview questions and phrases. What a bore I am. He was trying hard at least to set my mind at ease.

Anyway, due to a certain situation, I recommended we become friends before anything else. Most probably might not hear from him again but it was a good experience. And yeah he kept on reminding me to turn off my work-muddled brain.

(I almost ate my words last night though but it was a good thing nothing ensued)

I don’t think I’ll be doing that again anytime soon though (dating I mean).

I need to improve my social skills a little bit further.

***

Well, what else have I done?

I celebrated my birthday alone in the darkness of my room (as I was feeling anti-social that weekend).

I haven’t exercised AT ALL for two months now.

There are still manyaks everywhere especially during commute. Even lolos for God’s sake. I almost pushed one off the bus seat as he was doing that crossed-arms shit.Then there was this guy standing on the bus aisle and he was trying to feel women’s butts when they passed by him. WHAT ASSHOLES.

When I got home I was so mad I just curse-tweeted and ate chocolate cake. That was also around the same time when that tanim-bala modus broke the internet. HAY.

And jokes have been running the government and will be STILL running for office next year.

Ewan ko na.

Will just bullet-proof (HAHA) my bag for my trip to El Nido Friday this coming week. Wait, I don’t look like I have money to pay them anyway so maybe I’m safe.

FUCK YOU GUYS that is all I want to say to that syndicate.

*breathe*

***

On a lighter note:

Also had a very-delayed videoke date with Erma.

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And a high-maintenance one with Nana (one of my team mates) to try out that gel nail thingy.

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Life is good.

***

Addendum:

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Latest artist discovery. Goes by SNNN and does amazing Japanese ilustrations. The colors are awesome❤

Lunacy

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Finally watched it.

I found it very funny at first.

It catered to the Filipino’s sense of humor enough to keep us glued to our seats, wide awake.

But then, the reality that is still very prevalent up to this day and age came seething thru the screen.

It is commendable that a film could bring out such realizations from a nation that has long ago, forgotten what it was like to feel due to being overexposed to the same thing day-in, day-out.

It’s not that we have only tolerated it for so long, it’s because we have been desensitized with these constant situations blatantly waved in our faces.

But these fleeting feelings aren’t enough. Come another hyped-up issue and this shall be covered like the last national atrocity, like the most recent celebrity scandal.

Like a flame that wavers in the draft.

We lack the foundations to actually sustain these sudden bouts of nationalistic and patriotistic ideas in our heads.

We can only go as far as finding who is at fault for these shortcomings: the government, the education system, our lack of discipline.

And we go round and round.

Waiting for someone to save us from ourselves.

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