Sometimes you really just wanna get that out.

Run

That must have been the suckiest jogging record in a lifetime.

1.1 rounds in 12 minutes?!

THANK YOU CIGARETTES.

Anyway, I started running before to clear my mind. Now, I’m doing this to clear my skin.

The main difference would be that I haven’t started smoking yet the start of March this year so… BEGIN AGAIN.

It’s now been crossing my mind AGAIN that I need to enroll myself somewhere for gym classes. BUT I should remember as well that I have never gone religiously to ANY of those things before so it would be a waste of money.

I should focus on my running first.

And maybe quit smoking.

Or NOT.

wpid-20150627_083622.jpg

***

Excited for my errands Wednesday!

Hopefully, LTO won’t be a bitch.

Also, I dread dentists.

***

I STILL DON’T HAVE ANY IDEA WHERE I CAN GO TO ON MY BIRTHDAY MONTH VACATION.

*research*

Shiny

I’ve been buying shimmery things these days.

Not actual jewellery. Just shiny, regular stuff that I’d definitely not buy on a normal day (because I’d most probably choose blue or black for the color)

I bought a glittery blue iPad mini case and a distracting silver wallet/purse.

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I had my nails painted soft pink and my toenails painted bright pink.

I even bought a silver Anne Klein watch.

Some b*tch is trying to be girly :/

It will definitely not change the fact that I am brusque and awkward.

***

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I have new trees! :3

Thank you Mammeh!

***

I have so much planned for this month!

Let’s see if they’ll come through.

***

My mind is a scrambled egg that has lost its fluffiness.

I want to sleep for a year.

Fem

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I’ve always wondered about how most girls do what they do.

Perfect hair and nails. Amazing makeup and awesome wardrobe choices.

Tinuturo ba to somewhere?

How about conducting oneself like a lady?

I could use some lessons.

And I need it quick.

I did try fixing my hair and nails this week but I ruined it in 48 hours. It’s either I’m too lazy or too careless or too clumsy and I can never follow through.

How did I even get to be like this in the first place?

Not that I’m unhappy about it, it’s just that I wanted to try something new. I do try every now and then, but the way I am escapes the wide fissures of my unstable ground.

I’m sure I can do this if there’s an actual, URGENT need perhaps :)

Weekends

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Surprisingly, there weren’t a lot of DOM’s hanging around at Valkyrie (compared to Gramercy) and I was already too uhm, inebriated to care anyways. There was this one guy who randomly held my hand for maybe, three seconds but since he was cute (I think or actually malabo na pala paningin ko nun) I let it pass and I smiled at him too instead of stabbing his eyeballs with my heel.

The music was bad and the crowd was young and I sat outside looking at chicks *heehee*

ALSO, I’m so happy I can wear heels now without my feet dying. I need this for work!

Anyway, I’ve come to a realization (which is entirely off-the-topic) that night (or madaling araw actually) that I’VE BEEN MESSAGING THIS CERTAIN GUY WHENEVER I’M DRUNK. Not the suggestive sort but just random inquiries, I think. And I KNOW he’s not interested but he’s gracious enough to reply.

I should delete his number. Hopefully, in case we see each other somewhere he won’t remember me at all.

(Yeah, this is the same guy from… that app.)

I had somewhere to go to both on Saturday and Sunday too so I’m feeling worn out.

VITAMIN C HUHU.

Victory_Liner_De_Luxe_Buses

I’ve always had this malas problem with bus rides in terms of my seatmate.

It’s always a really drunk person or a magnanakaw or a manyak.

So lucky.

I proved that once again on my recent one-day trip to Batangas. The woman that plopped down beside me was really REALLY DRUNK and she kept on saying “I’m so fucking drunk” or “Fuck” and she kept on banging the window beside her (I let her sit beside the window so I can make an easy exit when she vomits). And then she said, “Nasusuka na ako Kuya alis na tayo putang ina” (which means she’s about to vomit plus some expletives).

FORTUNATELY, she never got around to doing so and she was asleep during the trip. She also missed her stop and sort of blamed me on why I didn’t wake her up. I just glared at her as she stood up. Buti na lang malapit lang siya bababa (which is Dasma area I think).

Going home, I had about an hour on the bus without anyone beside me but as I was dozing off someone took the window seat again and he smelled like fish and rusty metal. I mean, that was fine in itself but it was a bit obvious that as I was trying to sleep, he was inching his way near me and his hand was placed somewhere I was all too familiar with. You know that position where you cross your arms and they come out from your armpits? That’s the usual tactic (wow expert?) of manyaks on the bus when they’re trying to get a feel of your side boobs.

He hadn’t gotten around with his plan yet but I immediately stood up and switched seats and sat beside I nice old lady (who turned out to be really engrossed with the Thai bus movie and kept on shouting expletives during action scenes).

Anyway, long bus ride or not, these sorts of situations always pop out and they stress me out.

I have this love-hate relationship with bus rides because they get me places fast but… seriously.

I need a car.

Fluky

wpid-screenshot_2015-06-08-14-07-43

I want something like this.

Something I could tie down to cats and music.

But I want my own design. I haven’t gotten around to touching a pencil just yet.

I’m a bit torn if I should have my existing one retouched first before I move forward.

***

If I get this thing, magpapa-pancit ako (wholesome). If not, most likely it’s the usual tokwat-baboy-brandy-beer thang.

It’s a win-win situation anyway.

It’s either I get it or I learn from it.

***

I want to have a BB King blues band.

Judging from the people I’ve been talking (never meeting) with on Tinder (HAHA), I already have a bassist and a guitarist. Now, for a drummer.

OF COURSE I AM KIDDING ON THAT PART.

But I really want a blues band.

***

Speaking of Tinder, apparently my Tinder crush is already taken (as per our common friend) :(

I would have had two guitarists for the band already.

AGAIN KIDDING.

***

It’s a bit hard to wake up early these days. I’m not even puyat! 

Maybe I’ve gotten used to NOT sleeping early and it’s wreaking havoc on my body clock.

My daily activities have somewhat become stagnant these days because I am distracted or flustered or just plain spaced out.

Will start anew by Sunday afternoon.

I feel like I have so many things to do or that I’m thinking about so many things.

I need a breather.

***

My dad fixed stuff around my house last Wed (he also drank my wine and ate my dark chocolate bar HAHAHUHU but he brought grapes!). My cheap things are dying too soon.

I still haven’t gotten around to writing something on my green notebook of darkness.

It’s a “condo” notebook to be exact.

The thing is, I have stuff to put in the condo already but no condo.

Still looking into locations.

Sayang ang rent.

***

AGAIN I HATE WAITING FOR MANGA/ANIME SHOWS THAT HAVEN’T BEEN FINISHED YET. PLEASE WHY.

And it hurts me more knowing that this certain manhwa I’m reading will NEVER get animated (Noblesse)

Hay why did I get addicted to this shit.

I should reprimand my seven-year old self.

***

Discovered a new artist from Jonas!

SAMANTHA FRENCH

I love her underwater portraits.

It feels like a dream.

I especially like this one: Breakthrough II

82×104″, Oil on canvas

2013_large_breakthrough_com_lowres+copy

(And it doesn’t incite in me my fear of [even if it’s just a painting] waves or raging waters)

It’s really a relaxing thing to look at :)

Ah, headache.

I’ve had recent ‘practice’ in staying up late but…

ragamuffin

Here’s a Psychedelic kitty from Google.

***

As if I don’t have enough time to waste, I’m alternating between reading Cara’s book, reading that Noblesse manga and watching White Collar (I’m on season 3!).

I want all the time in the world.

***

I’m having this weird wine phase for July.

Remember that I don’t like red or white wine.

Rosé is…okay.

Anyway, aside from the ‘taste’ factor, it brings about the same aesthetic effects as my favorite cheapo brandy so it’s all good.

Maybe it’s just because I’m drinking cheap wine that’s why the taste is…yuck.

*enter song I Need Some Fine Wine and You Need to Be Nicer*

***

Will trying going to a ‘bar’ again this Friday.

You know, the type where you need to stand for hours on your heels, in a dress and try to dance as if you enjoy it and try talking with strangers too.

God, I hate those places.

But as they say, try something new everyday.

Or try something that scares (or annoys) you everyday. Something like that.

***

Now, for house repairs.

Haven’t smoked in almost a week and I’m feeling cranky.

Or maybe because it’s that time of the month.

Or maybe because ALL but one of my plans for this week has gotten cancelled because I got sick.

I hate unscheduled shit.

*CONTROL FREAK*

***

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It’s been raining the whole week too.

Not that I’m complaining.

***

Sun is out as I type.

Go back behind those clouds you!

***

I need to feel better enough for tomorrow.

It’s a sad-happy event (because someone is leaving! HUHU)

I need to be able to take it as far as the early morn.

***

WHY CAN’T I STOP THINKING ABOUT THAT?

There is this weird need to move on from something you weren’t even into in the first place.

Wut.

***

Semi-productive week.

I have procured a new notebook for my future evil plans.

Now, to get rid of my constant headaches, coughs, and sniffles.

I think the wine helped (I hate red wine!)

***

Edit:

Can I just say HAHA?

It’s raining again.

YES THANK YOU.

Fruits to Bear

Capture

Look three years! :3

Three years of writing into space.

HOHO.

***

Ah, I like fruitful weekends. Or weeks.

I learned a LOT. Like, new insights from people. New ideas!

I have a new book too from Cara and a ceramic syrup container ♥

Awesome music as always.

Not much rest though and I’m feeling the weather.

***

Aside from the squishy shoes, I LOVE THIS WEATHER.

NO glaring sunlight.

NO hot air.

NO dusty streets.

cat-in-the-rain-3

I need more Vitamin C though.

***

 (Continued this post from two days ago…)

Ah!

If you venture into scary things and you come out of it (semi) unscathed, it feels so much better!

I think I did okay on that one. Okay but never perfect ♥

Now, for the next process.

(I can’t say what it is yet but it’s definitely not about my non-existent love life :p)

***

Three events this coming weekend too! (I can actually count it as five if I were to include le movie dates with friends)

But I’m already sick.

I can never remember to take my vitamins or meds.

Maybe I need memory tablets too.

***

I WANT A GRAMOPHONE. A REALLY OLD, WORKING ONE PLEASE.

(And one with flowers or stars or swirls)

gramo

***

I am VERY CONFUSED this morning.

I watched a random video on my Facebook feed and…

ladybaby-2

You can look up Lady Baby or JRock or Nippon Manju.

You can hate me later.

New Listenings

Running on two hours of sleep again!

Last night was amazing!

Damn.

I want to sing and play the guitar like that. So much oomphh!

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(Photos are from valenciahannah.tumblr.com because my phone is crappy)

Didn’t get to go alone to the gig but it’s better with a friend!

I’ll try that solo gigging thang some other time :)

(Speaking of which, if the event was just like that I’d have NO PROBLEMS WHATSOEVER. Might look out for female artists next time for my solo gigging stint)

***

I NEED MONEY FOR TRAVEL GOD PLEASE

I also have a list of what I want to procure short-term.

WORK WORK WORK then.

***

I overslept @_@

Lounging Dog

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Random photo for random posts.

I would very much like to have a pub called The Lounging Cat.

But lounging dogs look cool too :)

***

Had a good two hours of sleep.

It felt like a Friday yesterday due to meeting month-end goals so I got home at one AM and woke up at 3:30 ish. I’ve been a little disoriented with time these days. I actually did my overtime yesterday when I remembered it was scheduled for today.

Anyway, we discovered a REALLY good isaw place in front of El Chupacabra and damn, I can eat that forever.

The Korean “family” KTV near the sports bar was pretty bad and I can’t imagine how the place would sound like when the rooms are full. No soundproofing! (and unisex washrooms boo)

It is a good place to scour alone before evening comes (if you’re just food trippin’).

Just a reminder, if you’re female and there alone 7pm onwards, you’d most probably be picked up by some old geezer.

***

I’ve been on sloppy wear for two days now.

Not in the mood to make much of an effort.

***

EXCITED/SCARED/NERVOUS to do solo gigging later!

I do have a friend Down Under who I can call on Viber so we can share the experience together!

But I will still be physically alone huhu.

Also, I WILL rely on my beer, yosi and phone.

*panic attack*

***

Trying to detox (a bit) today before the event later.

I ate loads yesterday and they were all junk/fatty food.

Maybe the visitor is up.

***

While we were all busy in trying to meet our targets for June, apparently the Makati City Hall had problems of its own yesterday.

So who’s telling the truth?

Gigging Alone Research

Oh, the horrors of being a tall, awkward girl.

It’s quite easy eating out alone or going to a movie house by yourself but watching a gig alone, I HAVE NEVER DONE THAT.

Usually I always cajole someone into coming with me by paying their entrance tickets but I wanted to try something new for this week.

So I’ll be going to a gig alone on Wednesday!

PLEASE DON’T CHICKEN OUT.

I’ve done some research and generally, five rules stood out:

1.) Do not rely on your phone too much

smartphone

WHY HUHU

Obviously, it distracts you from meeting new people.

Do I want to meet new people?

:p

2.) PEE FIRST

ladies-restroom-map-symbol-hi

NOW, this is the best advice EVER for me since drinking beer brings me to the toilet like 4-6 times a night.

The rationale here is so you won’t lose your spot.

3. Drink (or smoke)

Amsterdamjpg

Which is a no-brainer for me since I do both.

It allows you to kill time and makes you look like you’re actively involved in something.

Whatever that means.

But it does make you look less stupid.

4. Tell someone where you are

In case someone kidnaps me?

5. Socialize and enjoy!

gigs

Now, this is the HARD part.

Oh gods, why wasn’t I born less awkward.

BUT I WILL DO THIS! :)

#makeithappen

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I’ve been here for almost four years now.

Different roommates, different neighbors, two different units.

I’ve experienced six floods and a few heartaches here too but I always felt good turning four different keys in just to get into the room.

My room has seen its fair share of drunk (or high? haha) people and happy music and I couldn’t think of a better place to be in (or to move to).

It’s inexplicable how I feel at the start and end of everyday as I hold my yellow cup of black coffee in my right hand and a stick of Lights on the left, gazing out into the semi-far off business district I have gotten to accept.

Contentment perhaps?

Happiness of different degrees, yes?

It all boils down to how you view things I suppose.

I hope there would be more of those dusk and dawn moments for pondering.

I’ll be a cat in my next lifetime so I can do this all day. I wouldn’t mind this same place for it as well :)

I’ve slept better. But last night was okay.

Maybe it helped that it was my sister who woke up and turned on the AC (when needed).

I can’t do anything else though if someone is around MY HOUSE so I sleep early.

And she’ll be loitering there TIL NEXT WEEK.

I want to get back to my hermit self.

***

 I GET IT sir.

I’m just too…insistent.

***

I ate too much today.

Most probably will be the case til the weekend

***

So many good gigs coming up next week!

Unfortunately, two of them have been scheduled on the same Saturday :(

I haven’t gone alone to a gig ever.

Can I do it?

*panic attack*

I might go to that 3D event on Wednesday at Saguijo (I know it shall be astounding!)

I have to pass up on BSide’s Razorback-Greyhoundz-Wolfgang stint on July 4.

At least on the other Saturday gig at Route, I have a girl date *hee*

***

Busy weekend. No time for much talk.

The Bad Hobbit

Haven’t had too much luck in the sleep department as of yet.

I tried sleeping EARLIER this time like 730pm (yuck) so I could catch some shuteye but still the same number of interruptions. It doesn’t help that my sister was staying with me and she couldn’t sleep too because INET PLEASE (and small bed).

Maybe next week :(

***

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My books are gathering dust on the shelf.

These are not what I have though, this was a photo taken from Bookay-Ukay at Maginhawa :)

Mine are hard-bound ♥

I also don’t know what to do with those LAE books with me. Should I return them?

***

I was stalking this really cute girl (again, I’m straight) on Facebook and I accidentally liked her photo posted from a YEAR AGO.

PANIIIICCCCCCCCCC!

Doesn’t this happen to us all anyway.

:/

***

I feel so unproductive yesterday as I haven’t checked on most of what’s on my to-do list. I just ate an early dinner and had brandy and smoked and went to sleep.

***

SUPER EXCITED TO WATCH BULLET DUMAS LIVE ON THE 4TH. North hits! And then maybe 70s bistro for Neen’s Paramore night :3

Also, Cara dates are always ze best! looking forward to a lot of things these days.

Sleep with Butterflies

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I haven’t been sleeping right for the past two weeknights.

Haven’t been sleeping properly since Friday anyways but during workdays, I can sleep from 9 or 10 to 3AM with just as much as ONE interruption to that.

Now, I try to sleep at 8 (wow) and then I wake up at 930 and then 11 and then 1230 and then 130 or 230am before I hear my actual alarm at 330am for my coffee/cigarette engine rev. I feel so frazzled.

It doesn’t help that I can feel myself tossing and turning and kicking my pillows around while in some shallow state of sleep.

What the heck man.

I don’t think I’m even stressed over anything other than the fact that I can’t sleep well!

Maybe I’m in love.

Not.

Bear Habits

I said I’ll hibernate right.

I will from IG. Because I’ve been flooding people with my senseless posts and I am shy nao :3

I’ll just stalk people from the shadows #creepy

I’ll be active here though! Or not. Depends. No one really reads this anyway. Well, as per the stats page I do have like, 5-8 readers from the US, 3 from China, 1 from Russia, 1 from Slovenia and some other country I’ve never heard of.

So this is pretty safe I think.

Wait, NOTHING is safe on the internet :/

***

I wonder why a lot of people have been asking me about them party things the past week. Like five of them. Yun na ba ang uso ngayon?

I’m open to it but for the first time I’d prefer to have it either in the safety of my home or a trusted friend’s. Since I still have no idea how my body would react to it.

***

Heehee.

Trending ang post ko of my father’s shirt with an ex’s name printed on it.

Was my pun a little too soon?

I thought it was funny.

***

I’ve watched like two or three local movies in my life. Yung hindi indie films ha, like John Lloyd-Bea levels. AND IT WAS FUN. Because THE CROWD. Sa kanila ako natatawa. So much reactionz :D

***

A scatterbrained cat needs to write things down

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And yeah, I have really bad handwriting.

Sabi nila pag pangit ang sulat, magaling sa Math.

So bakit two takes ako sa Math 17 at 100? Nadaya yata ako.

***

Rainy season ♥

It’s no longer bright and glaring when I go out of the house in the morning.

Also, malapit na ang times na kelangan ko ulet mag-init ng ligo tubig yahay.

***

I have a new girl crush!

Carissa Ramos of Mean Jay ♥

MJ

And they play the blues (and classic rock I think). AND SHE’S A BASSIST.

Combo breaker!

Still quite sure I’m straight though.

***

I can’t wait to go home.

And do my chores.

#TitaTimes

Stars

So…wow.

What a long and weird and fun weekend. I haven’t slept properly since Friday but this is how it is (to pretend) to be young!

My mind has already gone back to work mode at this time though so I’m already jotting down my to-do list for this week before it slips my mind. I need to buy house things like a proper toilet seat (I want those flowery ones), coffee grounds and what else. Oh, and banking/accounting shit!

I hate being an adult :/

***

Friday was a total weirdo as there were three batches of people who came to my (very small room of a) house for dinner and booze. The food already ran out by the second batch but I have a lot of alak in the fridge so we got by. Hiyep, living alone perks. I quit drinking and went to sleep around 830 in the morning and my stocks are depleted. Need to do groceries for tomorrow. Also, BRANDY.

I had around 4-5 hours sleep before I had to get ready for Fete. I haven’t gone to it in years (except for that quick walk-by the Rock stage last year where we got scared by the crowd haha) and the list of bands/artists were quite appealing. We were only able to watch a few though and we didn’t even make it to our friends set because of the hasel rain. But I enjoyed Julianne and Brigada anyway. We can watch the others separately some other time. We walked a lot and drank a little so it was a sober night. Ran into a lot of Music Circle people and friends too!

God, I hate my sentence constructions.

We all got home around 230 ish in the morning and I had two hours of sleep before I needed to get ready again to go to QC. Father’s day thingeh. I did some chores around the house before I crashed. And then I’m back here again in Makati.

I need to hibernate this week. From a lot of things.

***

Friends have been making assumptions on those who might have a special interest in…my welfare. I am a very assuming young lady but my feels are a bit dead on this. Hope it’s nothing but shallow observations.

There were also some things I’ve been thinking about since they were mentioned to me the last time. my immature self would most probably lash out and confront the person about those dark, little secrets he kept from me but then… IT DOESN’T MATTER ANYMORE.

I’ve been saying this quite a few times these last two months. If I stress myself out thinking about all those possibilities, will it take me anywhere really?

Will it be worth it?

Most probably not.

***

I think I scared off my Tinder crush. I couldn’t help it. He seems to me like an old friend of sorts and subconsciously I’ve been talking to him like how I would my ladies/guy friends. Which comes off a bit bastos perhaps. AND THAT’S NOT HOW FLIRTING WORKS, they say.

While my back was turned, the rules of flirting and dating have changed AND I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA.

But it’s all good. I hope it’s one of those instances where you can wing it.

Also, advice from my expert friends on Tinder (HAHA shout out to Alessa my Tinder manager na magugulat na lang ako sino mga pinagsaswipe right-an), never take the app too seriously. Most probably the guy is just looking for some action 😂

***

I need some sleep. And vitamins.

Seriously though, I really bring around Flanax tablets because I am afraid of toothaches and this baby works.

I just really feel old. Hay.

Random shit.

***

The Written Word

Love letters are dead.

 I wonder if anyone still writes them.

 I have always loved writing letters and reading them even way before but I suppose that’s not the way the world works anymore. I am not good in conveying my feelings through a conversation. I prefer listening to the person who’s talking and usually, whenever I try to express how I feel (especially feelings like anger or disappointment) I tend to clam up and not say anything worthwhile at all.

 Hence, the massive communication gap (with whomever, not necessarily a significant other)

That’s why I write.

However sloppy my sentence construction is. However inconsistent my tenses are all throughout the paragraph. However bad my grammar is.

That way I can still think about what I actually want to say. I can still Google the most appropriate word for a certain feeling I am trying to convey. I can still imagine how a certain sentence would sound like if I say it this way or how I could assume a person would react as they read it.

But apparently there are not a lot of situations where you can just write what you think.

I should learn how to say things as it comes.

Hinder Tinder

You know those times when your mind is so madaldal it annoys you?

But of course, I annoy a lot of other people as well. So type, type, type.

***

I didn’t get around to what I wanted to say yesterday because…distracted.

Ficke pickle I am.

Speaking of which, I downloaded THAT app again.

I just liked the same two or three people anyway.

What does that say about me?

:/

tinder-logo-150x150

***

I am finally liquidating my dormant assets (weh).

Hopefully, I can get rid of my last gaming set.

I’ll just buy that console again when everything is on the uppity-up!

I shall miss my Demon Hunter sorely :(

10732003_466871423450930_372608764_a

***

I now know four songs on the guitar! I still can’t sing with it properly though.

And some chords are still a bit muted.

Stupid fingers.

***

I haven’t been eating properly these past two months. I suppose living alone promotes erratic eating habits. I CAN cook but being in the house makes me lazy and before I could remember that I was actually hungry, I’ve already retired for the evening.

But hey, weight loss and less food expenses.

I should just drop by Little Tokyo/Nihon every now and then to indulge.

ASARI BUTTER CLAMS HUHUHU ♥

61

***

Here’s my current kill-time/to-watch list:

1.) Arrow Season 3

2.) White Collar S1 S2 S3

3.) Flash Season 1

4.) The New Normal Season 1

5.) Normal Heart

6.) Pushing Daisies Season 1

7.) Halt and Catch Fire

8.) The Fall

and most probably a lot of other movie classics I haven’t gotten around to even list down.

I haven’t even watched/read memoirs of a Geisha yet.

AND I SHOULD FINISH THOSE BOOKS ON MY SHELF WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING.

I should stop stalking my current crush :/

#thefatblacklazyloungingstalkercat

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